In Part 1, we explored why porn is everywhere, how it distorts sex, and why silence leaves kids vulnerable. In this Part 2, we’ll cover the “how”: practical scripts, cultural strategies, red flags, and what to do when things go wrong.

Start with Openness

When a child blurts out something awkward — or a teen cracks a crude joke — parents have two choices: shut it down, or use it as an opening. Calm curiosity builds trust. Panic or shame slams the door.

Talking by Age

Ages 5–8: Keep It Simple

Scenario: “I saw people kissing without clothes.”

Response: “That’s something for adults. You didn’t do anything wrong. If you see it again, you can always tell me.”

Healthy signs: Innocent questions, curiosity.

Red flags: Sexualised play mimicking porn (e.g., choking, aggression), nightmares, clinginess.

Ages 9–12: Teach Media Literacy

Scenario: “Is sex what people do in those videos?”

Response: “Porn is like a movie — it’s pretend. Real sex is about kindness and respect.”

Healthy signs: Can explain fantasy vs. reality with help.

Red flags: Persistent secrecy, body disgust, extreme shame after internet use.

Ages 13–16+: Focus on Respect and Consent

Scenario: “Everyone jokes about choking. It’s just funny.”

Response: “I get why it sounds like a joke, but choking is dangerous. Real relationships only work if both people feel safe and say yes.”

Healthy signs: Debating, even pushing back, but staying in the conversation.

Red flags: Normalising coercion, hostility when asked simple questions, cutting off from friends.

When Harm Has Already Happened

If you discover your child has watched extreme content or acted it out:

1. Stay calm.
2. Reassure: “You’re not in trouble.”
3. Ask: “What did you think about it? Did anything feel uncomfortable?”
4. Rebuild trust with consistency and safety.
5. Seek professional help if needed.

Red Flags That Mean Act Now

Seek help immediately if your child shows:

• Self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or talk of being “dirty” or “ruined.”
• Sexualised behaviour far beyond their age.
• Repeatedly trying to coerce or pressure peers/siblings.
• Withdrawal from everyone, not just parents.

Where to go:

School counsellors, child therapists, or NGOs like AWARE (Singapore), Thrive Well (Malaysia), or local family service centres.

Same-Gender Conversations

• Father–son: Challenge toxic masculinity. “Being strong means treating others with dignity.”
• Mother–daughter: Link to puberty. “Your body deserves care and respect.”
• Cross-gender: Acknowledge awkwardness: “This may feel odd, but I want you to know you can always ask me.”
• Absent parent: Involve mentors, relatives, or trusted teachers.

What Not to Say

Less helpful responses include:

• “That’s disgusting.”
• “You’re too young for this.”
• Long lectures.
• “You’ll be addicted forever.”

These shut down conversations. Instead, keep it short, calm, and open-ended.

Cultural Resistance: Holding the Line

Parents often face pushback from extended family or community. Try:

• Reframe: “This isn’t rebellion — it’s protection.”
• Anchor in values:
  • Chinese families → harmony.
  • Muslim families → dignity.
  • Patriarchal settings → real strength means safety, not control.
• Partnerships: “We’ve started talking about online safety at home. Can you share how the school is addressing this so we can reinforce each other?”

If resistance is strong, lean on NGOs like AWARE (Singapore), Rape Crisis Malaysia, or Family Planning HK.

Tech Tools for Real Families

• ISP filters:
  • Singapore: StarHub Cyber Security Solutions, Singtel’s Circle.
  • Global: OpenDNS FamilyShield, Google Family Link.
• House rules:
  • No devices in bedrooms overnight.
  • Shared charging stations in common areas.
  • Meal times are phone-free.
• Agreements for older teens:
  • “If you see something confusing, pause, close, and come talk to me.”
  • “We’ll check in once a month about what you’re seeing online.”

Follow-Up Conversation Starters

• After a TV show: “That couple treated each other with respect — what did you think?”
• After a headline: “Have you seen this online? What do your friends say?”
• Before milestones: “Starting a new school soon — how do you want me to support you?”

Success vs. Concern at Each Age

Age	Healthy	Concerning
5–8	Asking questions, curiosity	Sexualised play, secrecy
9–12	Naming fantasy vs. reality	Shame, body hatred, secrecy
13–16+	Debate but continued dialogue	Withdrawal, coercion talk
17+	Independent but checks in	Secrecy, abusive relationships

Final Thoughts

In Part 1, we saw how porn distorts intimacy and fuels misogyny. In this Part 2, we’ve looked at how to respond: scripts, cultural strategies, tech tools, red flags, and recovery guidance.

Porn isn’t going away. But silence is optional. Parents who talk early and often give their children the resilience porn cannot.

At Underneath the Moon, we run workshops and provide tailored guidance for families, schools, and organisations. Hire us to help you turn awkward moments into trust and safety.

References

1. Children’s Commissioner for England. (2023). “A lot of it is actually just abuse”: Young people and pornography. London: Children’s Commissioner.
2. Children’s Commissioner for England. (2025). “Sex is kind of broken now”: Children and pornography. London: Children’s Commissioner.
3. Culture Reframed. (2020). Talking with young people about porn: A guide for parents. Culture Reframed.
4. ECPAT International. (2020). Online sexual exploitation of children in the Philippines: Analysis and recommendations. Bangkok: ECPAT International.
5. Glasgow University & Rape Crisis Scotland. (2025). Equally Safe in Schools: Misogynistic attitudes among Scottish schoolboys. Glasgow: University of Glasgow.
6. Mathews, M., Yeoh, B., & Lim, W. (2021). Youth sexual attitudes and behaviours in Singapore: Findings from the IPS Youth Study. Singapore: Institute of Policy Studies.
7. UNICEF Malaysia. (2019). Exploring the digital landscape of children in Malaysia. Kuala Lumpur: UNICEF Malaysia.