Raising Respectful Kids: Tackling Misogyny and Harmful Norms Early

What happens when children grow up believing that girls in short skirts are “asking for trouble,” or that boys who show emotions are “weak”?

This is not a distant fear — it is already happening. In 2025, a survey of more than 13,000 pupils across 37 Scottish schools revealed that one-third of boys believed girls in revealing clothing were inviting trouble, nearly half said boys who “acted like girls” were weak, and one in four felt harassment did not count if it was “just a joke” (Glasgow University & Rape Crisis Scotland, 2025).

The picture is equally troubling in Asia. In Singapore, the Institute of Policy Studies Youth Study (Mathews et al., 2021) found that while most young people endorsed gender equality in principle, many young men minimised women’s reports of inequality. Subtle issues like being talked over in meetings or judged by appearance were dismissed as unimportant. In Malaysia, 62% of boys agreed that girls provoke harassment by how they dress (UNICEF Malaysia, 2019). These findings reveal that harmful gender attitudes are embedded in everyday thinking — not only in the West but across Asia.

These are not harmless teenage opinions. Left unchallenged, they harden into adult worldviews that normalise harassment, excuse violence, and perpetuate inequality. The costs are borne by women, men, and society alike.

When Harmful Beliefs Take Root

Misogynistic attitudes in adolescence shape how young people understand respect, intimacy, and relationships. When children internalise the idea that clothing justifies harassment, or that boys must suppress emotions, they carry these distortions into adulthood.

Victim-blaming discourages reporting of harassment and normalises violence (Grubb & Turner, 2012).
Sexual double standards create shame in girls and pressure in boys, damaging authentic intimacy (Crawford & Popp, 2003).
Rigid masculinity norms are linked to depression, substance misuse, and even suicide among men (Addis & Mahalik, 2003; Mahalik et al., 2007).
Tolerance for “joking” harassment lays the groundwork for bullying, assault, and rape culture (Katz & Moore, 2013).

For women and girls, the long-term consequences include increased harassment, intimate partner violence, and structural inequality (WHO, 2021). For men and boys, emotional suppression limits connection, fosters loneliness, and damages health. At the societal level, gender inequality reduces participation, reinforces silence, and costs communities economically and socially (Heise et al., 2019).

Yet the inverse is also true: when children are raised with respect and equality, the benefits ripple outward. They grow into adults with empathy, stronger mental health, healthier relationships, and greater capacity for collaboration.

Parenting in the Age of Conflicting Messages

Raising respectful kids today is especially challenging because children receive mixed signals. At school, they may be told that boys and girls are equals. On social media, they are bombarded with influencers mocking “feminist girls” or rewarding sexist humour. Pornography, often their unspoken first sex educator, depicts coercion as normal (Children’s Commissioner for England, 2023, 2025). Peers reinforce group norms, while silence at home leaves harmful scripts unchecked.

In Singapore, many parents assume schools will cover these issues, while schools expect families to take the lead. The IPS Youth Study revealed that many boys struggled to recognise subtle gender bias as harmful (Mathews et al., 2021). Without honest conversations at home, children learn instead from jokes in group chats, TikTok videos, or pornography.

A 10-year-old boy teased for “crying like a girl.” A teenage girl told she “shouldn’t wear that if she doesn’t want attention.” These moments may seem small, but they are the building blocks of cultural beliefs. If adults stay silent, children learn that sexism is natural and that respect is conditional.

Recognising the Warning Signs

Parents often ask: how do I know if my child is absorbing harmful messages? Warning signs vary by age, and it’s important to distinguish between typical development and concerning patterns.

Ages 6–9

Normal: Preferring same-gender play, occasional teasing in the heat of the moment.

Concerning: Persistent ridicule (e.g., regularly excluding girls from games, repeating “girls are weak,” encouraging others to join in, dismissing correction).

Ages 10–13

Normal: Occasional joking without malice, curiosity about differences.

Concerning: Repeated sexist jokes, dismissing girls’ complaints as “drama,” mocking sensitive boys, defending harassment as “just joking.”

Ages 14–17

Normal: Occasional edgy humour, experimenting with identity.

Concerning: Downplaying harassment, frequently echoing misogynistic influencers, consistently shaming girls for clothing or sexual choices, refusing to engage in equality discussions.

Frequency and Pattern Guidance

Mild/occasional: Once every few weeks, situational, stops after correction → typical.
Moderate/persistent: Weekly, across settings (home/school), resists correction → needs parental intervention.
Severe/entrenched: Daily, escalating, hostile or aggressive, recruits peers → seek professional support.

When Children Push Back

Not every child will be receptive. Teens, especially, may push back against adult conversations about gender and respect. Common scenarios include:

“Everyone says it’s just a joke”: Teach that jokes can reinforce harm. Ask: “If it hurts one person and makes another laugh, is it really funny?”
“You’re too strict/old-fashioned”: Anchor in shared values: “This isn’t about rules — it’s about treating others the way you want to be treated.”
Teen silence: Instead of forcing dialogue, share articles, videos, or movies and discuss them casually.

When disagreements happen between adults, the approach matters too. If spouses disagree, frame it around shared goals. If extended family resists, acknowledge generational differences but hold the line: “In our home, everyone deserves respect.”

Sustained Community Resistance

For parents facing long-term pressure from relatives, religious authorities, or community gossip, consistency is key:

When relatives say “boys will be boys”: “In our family, boys and girls both learn respect. That’s our tradition too — it keeps everyone safe.”
If faith leaders object: “We believe our religion teaches compassion and dignity. We are raising our children to live by those values.”
When gossip circulates: “We would rather be known for raising respectful children than for being silent when harm happens.”

Pair these scripts with ally-building: finding one supportive elder, progressive faith leader, or like-minded family to reinforce your stance. Long-term consistency plus quiet solidarity helps families hold their ground.

Beyond the Home: Schools and Communities

Families play a vital role, but schools and communities shape the environment where norms are either reinforced or challenged.

In Singapore, schools already include values like respect under Character and Citizenship Education. But misogyny often slips under the radar because it isn’t named directly.

Practical institutional changes can make a difference:

Media literacy curriculum: Students analyse TikTok or Instagram clips, identify stereotypes, and rewrite them into respectful versions.
Peer-led workshops: Teens create skits on how to intervene when friends make sexist jokes, then present them to peers.
Restorative practices: Instead of suspensions, use dialogues that emphasise accountability.
Teacher training: Give educators explicit tools for intervention.

Cultural Pathways in Asia

In many Asian households, silence around sex and gender is seen as protection. Yet silence leaves children vulnerable. Cultural values can be reframed as bridges rather than barriers:

Filial piety: “When you disrespect others, you dishonour your family. True respect means treating everyone with dignity.”
Family harmony: “Harmony doesn’t mean silence. If one person suffers, the family is not in balance.”
Religious traditions: Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, and Hinduism in Singapore all emphasise compassion and dignity.

For families facing severe community resistance, strategies include:

Repeating consistent scripts at every challenge.
Avoiding public confrontations while modelling values privately.
Building quiet networks with NGOs like AWARE or progressive religious leaders.
Teaching children to calmly repeat family values (“In our home, we treat everyone with respect”) as a form of resilience.

The Influence of Peers

Peers often shape behaviour more than parents during adolescence. Strategies differ by context:

Boys-only environments (e.g., sports teams, military-style CCAs): Encourage coaches or captains to model respect, and talk with your child about what leadership really looks like.
Mixed-gender settings: Arrange social opportunities where boys and girls work together (study groups, projects, CCAs).
Monitoring group norms: Regularly ask, “What do your friends say about girls?” — this surfaces hidden peer attitudes.
Exit strategies: Teach children how to disengage without losing face: “That’s old-fashioned, let’s talk about something else.”
Positive reinforcement: Highlight respectful peers, cousins, or student leaders as role models.

Technology and Algorithms

Digital ecosystems amplify harmful messages, but not all families engage with technology in the same way.

High-access families: Co-curate feeds with your child. Follow positive influencers together. Teach how algorithms work.
Limited access families: If devices are shared or supervised, focus on critical conversationsabout what they see occasionally. Ask, “Did anything you saw make you uncomfortable?”
Low/no access families: Harmful norms still spread offline — through TV dramas, ads, playground jokes, and sermons. Apply the same critical questions: “Who benefits from this message?”
Busy families: Use one simple daily or weekly question, even at the dinner table: “What did you hear at school about boys and girls this week?”
Parents less digitally literate: Lean on older siblings, cousins, or teachers as digital guides. The goal is teaching critical thinking, not mastering apps.

Recovery: When Harmful Beliefs Are Already Present

Sometimes parents discover their child has already absorbed harmful ideas — or acted on them. Recovery is possible:

Don’t shame: “I hear you saying girls ask for it. Where did you get that idea?”
Offer counter-narratives: Share survivor testimonies or documentaries.
Layer conversations: Revisit gently over months.

Change is gradual. Celebrate small wins: a child questioning a sexist joke, showing empathy, or treating peers fairly.

When Professional Support Is Needed

If harmful beliefs escalate into aggression, harassment, or entrenched resistance, professional help may be needed. Parents should:

Look for: counsellors trained in adolescent psychology and gender-sensitive practice.
Ask: “Do you have experience addressing peer norms, bullying, or gender issues?”
Find: school counsellors, family service centres, NGOs like AWARE (Singapore), or progressive faith-based organisations.

Applications

Here are evidence-based scenarios showing how interventions can look:

Research in Scotland (2025): When schools introduced discussions on misogyny as part of citizenship education, boys who initially dismissed harassment as “banter” were less likely to endorse victim-blaming attitudes months later.
UNICEF Malaysia (2019): Teacher-led discussions about online behaviour helped children report exposure to harmful content earlier, reducing secrecy.
IPS Youth Study (2021): Singapore youth who participated in peer dialogues were more likely to acknowledge subtle inequalities compared to those who only learned through formal lessons.

These examples show that structured, ongoing interventions shift attitudes.

The Hopeful Alternative

Addressing misogyny isn’t only about prevention. It fosters:

Emotional literacy for mental health.
Empathy for relationships.
Fairness for leadership and collaboration.

Respect, modelled daily, becomes the foundation for dignity and courage.

Final Thoughts

The Scottish survey is a wake-up call, but similar warning signs exist in Singapore and across Asia. The question is whether harmful beliefs will harden into adulthood — or whether we will intervene with honesty, courage, and compassion.

At Underneath the Moon, we help families, schools, and communities create spaces where children learn respect as naturally as they learn language. Hire us to bring workshops, talks, and tailored guidance into your home, classroom, or organisation — and together, we can raise a generation that rejects misogyny and embraces respect.

References

Addis, M. E., & Mahalik, J. R. (2003). Men, masculinity, and the contexts of help seeking. American Psychologist, 58(1), 5–14. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.58.1.5
Crawford, M., & Popp, D. (2003). Sexual double standards: A review and methodological critique of two decades of research. Journal of Sex Research, 40(1), 13–26. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224490309552163
Grubb, A., & Turner, E. (2012). Attribution of blame in rape cases: A review of the impact of rape myth acceptance, gender role conformity and substance use on victim blaming. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 17(5), 443–452. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.avb.2012.06.002
Heise, L., Greene, M. E., Opper, N., Stavropoulou, M., Harper, C., Nascimento, M., … & Zewdie, D. (2019). Gender inequality and restrictive gender norms: Framing the challenges to health. The Lancet, 393(10189), 2440–2454. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(19)30652-X
Katz, J., & Moore, J. (2013). Bystander education training for campus sexual assault prevention: An initial meta-analysis. Violence and Victims, 28(6), 1054–1067. https://doi.org/10.1891/0886-6708.VV-D-12-00013
Mahalik, J. R., Burns, S. M., & Syzdek, M. (2007). Masculinity and perceived normative health behaviors as predictors of men’s health behaviors. Social Science & Medicine, 64(11), 2201–2209. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2007.02.035
Mathews, M., Yeoh, B., & Lim, W. (2021). Youth sexual attitudes and behaviours in Singapore: Findings from the IPS Youth Study. Singapore: Institute of Policy Studies.
UNICEF Malaysia. (2019). Exploring the digital landscape of children in Malaysia. Kuala Lumpur: UNICEF Malaysia.
World Health Organization. (2021). Violence against women prevalence estimates, 2018. Geneva: WHO. https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789240022256
Glasgow University & Rape Crisis Scotland. (2025). Equally Safe in Schools: Misogynistic attitudes among Scottish schoolboys. Glasgow: University of Glasgow.
Children’s Commissioner for England. (2023). “A lot of it is actually just abuse”: Young people and pornography. London: Children’s Commissioner for England.
Children’s Commissioner for England. (2025). “Sex is kind of broken now”: Children and pornography. London: Children’s Commissioner for England.